migraine

this excruciating, stabbing, nauseating pain in my head is nothing compared to the pain in my heart that comes from longing for you to love me the way that I love you.

I laugh at it's meager attempts to split open my skull when my heart was left broken and bleeding long ago by your indifference. swimming in a sea of agony is mere child's play after months of hopelessly loving you.. and still, I regret nothing.

bah! humbug!

Cindy-Lou Who: Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?
The Grinch: [bursts through the Christmas tree] VENGEANCE! 
The Grinch: [calmly] I mean. . . presents, I suppose. 

In joyful anticipation?

There she sat blithely on the edge of apprehension,
blowing her usual smokescreen out into the world
and feeling thankful for a warm body
to press against the cold morning air. . .

struggle

wtf does this mean? and why am i compelled to write it?

 

flying blind thru faith
on the edge of reason
without a net
and with no regret
pouring my soul
into an unknown whole
and filling it up

my cup runneth over
and i drink
from being
both
here & there
being everywhere
growth

where unseen eyes
peer inside
and finally see
it is she
who is at the core
of my freedom

gum

is this what i want?
sometimes i think to myself
still i await answers

gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • GUM • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • gum • shanti • shanti • shantihi

Insomnia?

What's with this not sleeping much? I have never been one to suffer from sleeplessness, and I'm not one to fret over it now. I have noticed over the past week or so a tendency to want to stay up all night. I guess this tends to happen when my life is in flux, so I guess it's a good thing. G_d knows I need a change.

Something new is on the horizon. *deep breath*

I am perched very precariously on this shaky ledge trying to get a clearer view.